All things beautiful

quinta-feira, 3 de dezembro de 2020

BEAUTIFUL WOODCARVING

CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE I BAKE EVERY YEAR

Ingredients

175g raisins

175g sultanas

175g currants

80g dried apricots

100g glacé cherries

Zest of 1 lemon

Zest of 1 orange

225g plain flour

1½ tsp mixed spice

45g ground almonds

150g light soft brown sugar

150g butter or margarine

1 tbsp black treacle

3 eggs

2 tbsp brandy, add more if you wish

45g blanched almonds

Extra brandy for feeding

Method

Grease and line the base and the sides of an 8inch/20cm tin.

Weight out the currants, raisins and sultanas and then gradually sort through them, a handful at a time, removing any stalks attached to the fruit before placing into a large bowl

Weigh out the apricots and cherries and cut into small pieces using a pair of scissors. Grate the zest from the lemon and the orange and add it all into the bowl along with the raisins.

Pour over the 2tbsp brandy, stir and then cover the bowl with clingfilm and leave for at least 12 hours or preferably overnight, to allow the fruit to soak up the brandy.

The following day, preheat the oven to 140C. Grease and line the base and the sides of an 8inch/20cm tin.

Chop the blanched almonds into small chunks and add to a clean large bowl along with the remaining ingredients. Beat for 3 minutes until mixture is smooth and well combined.

Add the soaked fruit to the batter mixture and stir together using a spatula until all the fruit is well coated and distributed.

Spoon the mixture into the prepared tin, level the surface and then create a dip about 2cm deep in the centre of the cake. (This compensates for the usual dome/rise when baking and results in a flatter cake)

Place the cake in the oven and bake for 2 hours and 45 minutes. After the 2 hours you may want to quickly add a sheet of foil over the top of the tin to prevent it from over browning.

Ensure that a skewer inserted in the cake comes out clean before removing from the oven and allowing to cool in the tin.

Prick the top of the cake all over with a fine skewer and then slowly drizzle over another tablespoon of brandy.

Remove the cake from the tin and wrap in clingfilm, leaving the greaseproof paper attached to the cake. (This helps keep it moist).

Place the cake in an airtight container and lave in a cool dark place for a minimum of two weeks to mature. Unwrap it once a week to ‘feed’ with an extra tablespoon of brandy before re storing until required.

The cake can be made anything from 2 weeks to 6 months ahead of time. The brandy preserves the cake.

MY CROSS STITCHED CHRISTMAS SOCKS

THANK YOU

To those of you who laughed at me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have cried.

To those of you who just couldn't love me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have known real love.

To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have felt them.

To those of you who left me lonely, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have discovered myself.

But it is to those of you who thought I couldn't do it;
It is you I thank the most,
Because without you I wouldn't have tried.

Author Unknown

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which was sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________________________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

https://www.facebook.com/andre.joubert.779?fref=photo