Joke - I’m here to feed the alligator

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.  The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while.  He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.  As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim
naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

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Funny - Stethoscope

A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman, How did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin I knew that was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman.

She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once had and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the Church,” the younger doctor told her.

“Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she’s very active in the church but how did you arrive at it?”

“I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed.”

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