Divorce Jokes

A woman went to an attorney to ask about a divorce.
"What grounds do you have, ma'm?"
"About six acres."

"No, I don't think you quite understand. Let me rephrase the question. do you have a grudge?"
"No, just a parking space."
"I'll try again. does your husband beat you?"
"No, I always get up at least an hour before he does."
The attorney could see he was fighting a losing battle. "Madam, are you sure you want a divorce?"
"I'm not the one who wants a divorce," she said. "My husband does. He claims we don't communicate."




At inspection one morning, an officer asked a private who was thinking about no re-enlisting, "Are you married, son?"
"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."
"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"
"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"