Cats Jokes.

 

1. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
2. What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
3. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
4. What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
5. Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.
6. What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
7. Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.
8. Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
9. How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
10. How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
11. What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
12. What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
13. If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
14. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
15. Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
16. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
17. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
18. What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
19. What is a cat’s favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
20. How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
21. Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
22. Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
23. What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
24. What is a moggy’s favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
25. What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
26. Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted.
27. Cats are like potato chips.  You can never have just one.
28. I got rid of my husband.  The cat was allergic.
29. For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
30. I haz a joke about a cat… Just kitt’en  

http://catnipsum.com

How to make beautiful patterns. - Moldes Moda por Medida:

 

http://www.pinterest.com/

THINK IT, WANT IT, GET IT.

THE FUNNY THING IS WHEN YOU START FEELING HAPPY ALONE, THAT IS WHEN EVERYONE DECIDES TO BE WITH YOU.

DON'T RUSH THINGS, WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT IT WILL HAPPEN.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF BEING OUTNUMBERED. EAGLES FLY ALONE. PIGEONS FLOCK TOGETHER.

CONFIDENCE ISN'T THINKING YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, IT'S REALIZING THAT YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE.

THE MORE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT, THE LESS YOU LET THINGS UPSET YOU.

 

ROJÕES COM CASTANHAS

 

1 Kg de carne de porco com alguma gordura; 500grs de castanhas; 2 cabeças de dentes de alho; Sal q.b.; Ervas aromáticas: 1 raminho de alecrim, 2 folhas de louro, 1 molhinho de salsa; 1 malagueta; 2 Cravinhos; 1 copo de vinho branco; 2 colheres de banha de porco; Sal e pimenta q.b.

Como fazer? Vá, calma, é fácil e não dá assim tanto trabalho! Ora vamos lá..

Com uma faca (um garfo não dá!) é só cortar a carne em pedaços, nem muito grandes nem muito pequenos. Derreter a banha num tacho e juntar a carne. Tapar e mexa de vez e quando (pode ir vendo a novela, mas cuidado para não esturricar a carne!). Juntar as castanhaas, ervas aromáticas e a malagueta, temperar de sal e pimenta. Adicionar os cravinhos os dentes de alho cortados ao meio. Deixar apurar uns 15 minutos. Juntar o vinho branco, pode ser um vinho daqueles que abriu, provou e não gostou... e tapar. Cozinhar durante mais 40 minutos, até o molho ficar bem reduzido e os rojões ganharem uma cor bem douradinha e um pouco tostadinhos. Para acompanhar os ditos, pode optar por batatinha cozida, uma salada ou com fatias de pão, centeio ou broa de milho.

MAÇA ASSADA NO FORNO COM VINHO DO PORTO

 

Uma delícia da gastronomia portuguesa, que permite sentir o sabor autêntico de dois produtos de excelência em Portugal, a maçã e o Vinho do Porto.

Como fazer? Primeiro deverá plantar uma macieira, não dá trabalho e daqui a uns anos terá maçãs para dar... e vender. Equanto isso, junto aí 10 maçãs, açúcar, canela em pó ou em pau e um bom Vinho do Porto.

Depois é muito simples. Na calma da manha prévia a um almoço de sábado, sinta o cheiro de uma boa maçã. Passe-as por água, de preferência tirada do poço, e com a ajuda de uma faca de cozinha retire o núcleo da maçã (caroços). Depois coloque as maçãs num recipiente que possa ir ao forno e no meio de cada uma das belas maçãs deverá, sem stress, colocar 1 colher pequena de açúcar com 1 de canela em pó ou, eu prefiro, colocar um pau de canela.

E agora vem a melhor parte! Vá, abra uma garrafa de um bom Vinho do Porto. ATENÇÃO: Não beber tudo! Guarde um bocadinho para a receita! Então, depois de abrir a garrafa e de beber um pouco (vá, ninguém vê...) é colocar um pouco de Vinho do Porto e levar ao forno durante 45 minutos a 180º.

Convém durante a cozedura ir deitando um olhito e já agora faça isto: abra o forno e irá ver que as ditas vão deitando um molho durante a cozedura, pelo que deverá deitar o mesmo em cima das maçãs, duas vezes pelo menos.

Depois? Depois é só servir quente ou frio! E se sobrou algum Vinho do Porto da garrafita, ponha-a em cima da mesa, com uns cálices... é que no fim de uma ou duas maçazitas normalmente o sabor fica na boca e um Portinho cai sempre bem!

BOM APETITE! :)


Receita: Zeza Cruz
Foto e texto: Paulo Costa

GOD IS NEVER WRONG AND IS NEVER LATE

                                                   

A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who, in all

circumstances, said: My king, do not be discouraged, because everything God
does is perfect, no mistakes!

One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked the
king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent his
majesty losing a finger.

Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the nobleman
said
"Is God good? If He was good, I would not have been attacked and lost my
finger."

The slave replied:
"My king, despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good,
and he knows "why" of all these things. What God does is perfect. He is
never wrong!"

Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.

Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who made human
sacrifices.

In the altar, ready to sacrifice the nobleman, the savages found that the
victim had not one of his fingers, so he was released. According to them,
it was not so complete to be offered to the gods.

Upon his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his slave that
he received very affectionately.

"My dear, God was really good to me! I was almost killed by the wild men,
but for lack of a single finger, I was let go! But I have a question: if
God is so good, why did he allow me to put you in jail?"

"My King, if I had gone with you in this hunt, I would have been sacrificed
for you, because I have no missing finger, therefore, remember everything
God does is perfect. He is never wrong."

Often we complain about life, and negative things that happen to us,
forgetting that nothing is random and that everything has a purpose.

Every morning, offer your day to God, don't be in a rush.

Ask God to inspire your thoughts, guide your actions, and ease your
feelings. And do not be afraid. God is never wrong!

You know why this message is for you? I do not know, but God knows, because
he never makes mistakes.......

The path of God and his word is perfect, without impurities. He is the way
of all those who trust in Him, as he says in 2 Samuel 22: 31

What you do with this message is up to you. May God put in your heart the
desire to send it to someone. God knows why He choose you to receive this
message. Please bless someone with it.

God is never wrong and He is never late.

MY RAKU

 

“Madame, it took me my entire life.”

                                                                 

Legend has it that Pablo Picasso was sketching in the park when a bold woman approached him.

“It’s you — Picasso, the great artist! Oh, you must sketch my portrait! I insist.”

So Picasso agreed to sketch her. After studying her for a moment, he used a single pencil stroke to create her portrait. He handed the women his work of art.

“It’s perfect!” she gushed. “You managed to capture my essence with one stroke, in one moment. Thank you! How much do I owe you?”

“Five thousand dollars,” the artist replied.

“But, what?” the woman sputtered. “How could you want so much money for this picture? It only took you a second to draw it!”

To which Picasso responded, “Madame, it took me my entire life.”

MR, MRS SANTA CLAUS PAPER DOLLS

GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS

 

“You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.”

“Don’t expect too much of Christmas Day. You can’t crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months.”

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”

To your enemy, forgiveness. 

To an opponent, tolerance. 

To a friend, your heart. 

To a customer, service. 

To all, charity. 

To every child, a good example. 

To yourself, respect. 

Oren Arnold

 

Christmas is forever, not for just one day, 

for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away 

like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf. 

The good you do for others is good you do yourself. 

Norman W. Brooks

 At Christmas A man is at his finest towards the finish of the year; 

He is almost what he should be when the Christmas season's here; 

Then he's thinking more of others than he's thought the months before, 

And the laughter of his children is a joy worth toiling for. 

He is less a selfish creature than at any other time; 

When the Christmas spirit rules him he comes close to the sublime. 

Edgar Guest

 May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope; 

The spirit of Christmas which is peace; 

The heart of Christmas which is love. 

Ada V. Hendricks

 

THE TWO CATS TALKING

CAT JOKES

 

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
Submitted by William E., Morganton, N.C.

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, put the cat outside.

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says, "stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

FASHION ILLISTRATION

 

YOUR THOUGHTS ARE ALL SEEDS THAT YOU PLANT.

TREAT YOURSELFAS IF YOU ALREADY ARE WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BECOME.

BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN OBTAIN ANYTHING YOU WISH AND THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE ALL THE HELP YOU NEED, AS LONG AS YOU STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR GOAL.

GOD WILL WORK WITH YOU, NOT FOR YOU.

KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT SEEMINGLY MIRACULOUS HAPPENINGS ARE BROUGHT INTO YOUR IMMEDIATE LIFE SPACES BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY CONNECTED TO THEM.

SEND OUT LOVE AND HARMONY, PUT YOUR MIND AND BODY IN A PEACEFUL PLACE, AND THEN ALLOW THE UNIVERSE TO WORK IN THE PERFECT WAY THAT IT KNOWS HOW.

YOUR ENTIRE LIFE CONSISTS OF THE PRESENT MOMENT,

WHEN YOU START SEEING YOUR WORTH, YOU WILL FIND IT HARDER TO STAY AROUND PEOPLE WHO DON'T.

SO VERY, ARRESTINGLY CHIC.